Funny Sex & Relationship jokes And One Liners « Jokes Directory | Look, Laugh comedy

Funny Jokes Directory « Sex & Relationship jokes

the best Sex and Relationship jokes & one liners

We have compiled a categorized list of the best Sex and Relationship jokes and one liners from your favorite comedians and around the web. Our hilarious Sex and Relationship joke list is comprised of a wide range of topics including:

  • Dating Jokes
  • Divorce Jokes
  • Marriage Jokes
  • One Night Stand Jokes
  • Single Jokes

hilarious Sex and Relationship jokes

Corey Holcomb on "The First Date"

Ladies, if you're out on a date with a guy you haven't slept with, please, keep your conversation to an absolute minimum. Because ain't nobody listening to nothing you're talking about. Until we get some, we can't comprehend that stuff that's coming out of your mouth.

Earthquake on "Marriage"

I got a boy that was married, been married for six years -- videotaped his wedding day, never watched it. Six years later, now he watches it every day, but he watches it in reverse. I asked him. He said, 'I love seeing myself take that ring back off her fuckin' finger.'

Jim Gaffigan on "Hookers"
Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers.
Kevin Hart on "Fighting with Women"

Ever argue with a female and, in the middle of the argument, you no longer feel safe because of her actions? She may start pacing back and forth real fast, breathing out her nose. You know what my girl do? When she get mad, she start talking in the third person. That's scary as hell because that's her way of telling me that from this point on, she is not responsible for none of her actions.

Lisa Lampanelli on "Asian Guys"

I dated one guy from every race. You know, except the Asian guys 'cause nobody wants that. C'mon I'm trying to have an orgasm not get my computer fixed.

Robert Schimmel on "Anal Sex"
Caution: Anal intercourse may lead to irregular heart rhythms. Yeah, you know I'm never gonna have to worry about that. Because God gave me a second lease on life and I'm not gonna press my luck and take it up the ass. 
Robert Schimmel on "Talking Dirty"
One of my friends goes: "So, you know what really turns me on; when girls talk dirty in bed." Yeah I tried that with my wife. I said: "Hey, talk dirty to me." She said: "Go fuck yourself". Not that dirty. 
Robert Schimmel on "Premature Ejaculation"
So my wife said she read this article in a magazine and she said: "You know, maybe you're suffering from premature ejaculation." Yeah, does it look like I'm suffering? Those aren't tears on your belly. 
Robert Schimmel on "Sex"

I sit down with my daughter and I said, "Do you know how babies get here?" And she said, "Well, the lady has an egg inside of her, and the man has sperm inside of him, and the sperm meets the egg, and that's how the lady gets pregnant." And I said, "Do you know how the sperm meets the egg?" She said, "Does the man pee on the woman?" I said, "Sometimes, but that's $35 extra."

Sebastian Maniscalco on "Drunk Texting"

Don't come home horny, drunk, you want to text your girl a sexy message. Look what you're typing before you send it. I didn't look; I just sent it off. She called me right back, she's like, 'Uh, what do you mean you want to "kick my puppy"?'

Tony T. Roberts on "Seeing Other People"

I was in love with a girl. I thought we was in love. She said, 'Tony, I think I want to see other people.' I said, 'You better look out the window.'

SUBMIT A JOKE

Do you have a joke or funny one-liner that we haven't posted? If you would like to share it with us and help improve our website, please contact us and help spread the laughter!

post a comment