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the best Political jokes & one liners

We have compiled a categorized list of the best Political jokes and one liners from your favorite comedians and around the web. Our hilarious Political joke list is comprised of a wide range of topics including:

  • Conservative Jokes & One Liners
  • Democrat Jokes & One Liners
  • Liberal Jokes & One Liners
  • Politician Jokes & One Liners
  • Republican Jokes & One Liners

hilarious Political jokes

Bill Burr on "George Bush Jr."

You know what I like about George Bush? He makes me feel like I could be president, too. No, he does. He's like the first guy, like, from my reading level, you know -- the first guy, like, from my math class to finally go out and do something!

Chris Rock on "Gas Prices"

Gas is so expensive now, whenever I fill up my tank, I just whip out my dick and jerk off right at the gas station. That's what I do. If I fill it up, I jerk it off. You know why? Cause when I spend that type of money, I'm used to cumming.

Chris Rock on "George Bush Jr."

Bush lied to me. They all lied to me. "We gotta go to Iraq because they're the most dangerous country on Earth, they're the most dangerous regime in the world." If they so dangerous, how come it only took two weeks to take over the whole fuckiing country? Shit. Man, you couldn't take over Baltimore in two weeks.

Chris Rock on "John McCain"

He a war hero that got captured. There's a lot of guys in jail that got captured. Sh*t, f**k that. I don't want to vote for nobody that got captured. I wanna vote for the motherf**ker that got away.

Chris Rock on "Oil"

Let me get this straight. We invade a country with oil, but gas costs more? That don't make no fucking sense! Now I didn't go to no fancy school or nothing, but I'll tell you this right now -- if I invade Kentucky Fried Chicken, wings will be cheap at my house.

Daniel Tosh on "Gay Marriage"

This is what I say to the most conservative person that's so terrified of gay marriage becoming legal. Just because the state says it's legal, it's not like God's going to let them into Heaven. So you can still sleep sound every night knowing that goal line defense is up at the pearly gates.

Donnell Rawlings on "Barack Obama"

Barack's in office; it feels good to be black now. When O.J. was in court it did not feel good to be black. People like, 'Are you black?' I'm like, 'I'm Creole, get out of my face.'

George Carlin on "Abortion"

Once you leave the womb, conservatives don’t care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.

Katt Williams on "Terrorists"

We got our soldiers fighting gangsta niggas. Them terrorists is gangsta. How the fuck you gonna scare somebody that wanna die? Like: 'I'll kill your mothafuckin ass.' 'Thank you very much.' What the fuck ?

Paul Mooney on "Slavery"

There were so many jobs when they owned us. Now that we're free, 'I'm sorry, there are no jobs.'

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