Funny Miscellaneous jokes And One Liners « Jokes Directory | Look, Laugh comedy

Funny Jokes Directory « Miscellaneous jokes

the best Miscellaneous jokes & one liners

We have compiled a categorized list of the best Miscellaneous jokes and one liners from your favorite comedians and around the web. Our hilarious Miscellaneous joke list is comprised of a wide range of topics including:

  • Drug Jokes
  • Knock Knock Jokes
  • College Jokes Jokes
  • Computer Jokes Jokes
  • Yo Mama Jokes

hilarious Miscellaneous jokes

Brian Regan on "You Too"

You ever say a phrase you say all the time at the wrong time, feel like a complete idiot? Something like, 'You, too. You, too.' I was getting out of the cab at the airport, and the driver goes, 'Hey, have a nice flight.' 'You, too. You, too. You have a nice flight, too -- in case you ever fly some day.'

Earthquake on "Alabama"

Don't want to go down to Alabama. It's hot down there -- slave heat. It was like 98 degrees at three in the morning. I was like, Alabama must got their own sun. I was hiding from the sun like it was the police.

Jim Gaffigan on "Being Lazy"

You ever find yourself being lazy for no reason at all? Like you pick up your mail, you go in your house, you realize you have a letter for a neighbor -- you ever just look at the letter and go, 'Hm, looks like they're never getting this. Takes too much energy to go outside.'

Katt Williams on Drug Dealers
Just soon they see you, just 'Nigga, nigga, nigga. Remember that shit I gave you last week, nigga? It's nothing, nigga. It's nothing. Nigga, it's nothing. This shit right here, nigga! This shit right here, nigga! Right here, this shit nigga!' Always has some fucked up name. 'It's kryptakronakunnalite, nigga!'
Katt Williams on "Weed"

Don’t give me that shit that weed’s a drug. It ain’t no motherfuckin’ drug. I’ve done the research. It’s just a plant. It just grows like that. And if you just happen to set it on fire…There are some effects.

Kyle Grooms on "Drugs"

I love my mother, man, 'cause she wanted to keep me and my brothers off the streets. We grew up in a drug-infested neighborhood -- the United States.

Lavell Crawford on "Stupid Questions"

They always ask you dumb questions. 'Do you wanna be fat?' 'Oh yes, yes, I do. I wanna sweat for no reason.' Every time I breathe, they like, 'Why you breathing so hard?' 'So I can live.'

Michael Colyar on "Crack"

I did so much crack, one day I broke in my own house. I ain't lying. I was halfway out the door with the TV before I realized it was my place. And before I broke in, I used to stand outside and case the joint. Finally, I said, 'Damn, this brother will never come home!'

Mike Epps on "Religion"

I want to turn my life over to God but it is hard as hell. Every time something happens to us, that's what we do: 'Oh God, please don't do it to me, I'll tell ya, this is it, I'm leaving these niggas alone, all these bitches, I'll tell ya, this is it, I'm tired of this shit, I shoulda came to you.'

As soon as you feel good, you back out: 'Fuck these bitches!' God be like, 'He's a lying motherfucker right there. That's a lying ass nigga. Don't you call me no more.'

Nick Swardson on "Pot Brownies"

Everybody loves pot brownies. But I bring crystal meth cupcakes to a party, suddenly I'm the weirdo.

Robert Schimmel on "Hemorrhoids"
“Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids? Wouldn't it make more sense if it was the other way around? But if that was true, then a proctologist would be an astronaut.”
Rob Stapleton on "Camping"

When was the last time a black person went camping? My white friend asked me a couple of weeks ago...He said, 'We're going to go to mountains, pitch tent, make a fire, tell stories, make s'mores.'

I'm like, 'Then we going to watch the game?' 'Rob, come on. There's no running water, electricity -- that's why they call it camping.' I'm like, 'No running water, electricity? Where I come from we call that the Projects.'

TJ Miller on "Medical Marijuana"

I have a prescription for marijuana in Los Angeles. It's for anxiety -- primarily anxiety for getting arrested for marijuana.

Tony T. Roberts on "H1N1 Virus"

Leave the news alone. I don't know what's out there. My boy called me to tell me he had H1N1. I said, 'You got the new Hummer?'

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