Funny Food & Alcohol jokes And One Liners « Jokes Directory | Look, Laugh comedy

Funny Jokes Directory « Food & Alcohol jokes

the best Food and Alcohol jokes & one liners

We have compiled a categorized list of the best Food and Alcohol jokes and one liners from your favorite comedians and around the web. Our hilarious Food and Alcohol joke list is comprised of a wide range of topics including:

  • Junk Food Jokes & One Liners
  • Healthy Food Jokes & One Liners
  • Liquor Jokes & One Liners
  • Beer Jokes & One Liners
  • Wine Jokes & One Liners

hilarious Food and Alcohol jokes

Brian Regan on "Chef Boyardee"

I eat like a kid. I like Chef Boyardee, the ravioli. But they have some stuff I've never seen in the real Italian food world. You ever been in a nice Italian restaurant: 'Hi, how are you? Like to start with a nice bottle of Chianti and a couple of Cesar salads to get started and, um, I'm going to have the Beef-a-Roni -- and some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for the lady.'

Brian Regan on "Pop Tarts"

You can microwave a Pop Tart. That just blew me away that you could do that. How long does it take to toast a Pop Tart? A minute and a half if you want it dark? People don't have that kind of time? Listen, if you need to zap-fry your Pop Tarts before you head out the door, you might want to loosen up your schedule.

Chris Rock on "Too Much Food"

We got so much food in America we're allergic to food. Allergic to food! Hungry people ain't allergic to shit. You think anyone in Rwanda's got a fucking lactose intolerance?!

Deon Cole on "Eating at Night"

When I moved out to LA they told me I had to work out. I was like, 'I don't wanna do that.' They gave me this trainer, and the dude was like... 'The most important thing is, you can't eat late at night or you'll get fat.' And I'm like, 'Forget that, you supposed to eat late at night.' He was like, 'No you not.' I'm like, 'Well, why they put a light in the refrigerator?'

Donnell Rawlings on "Black Gummi Bears"

I want a black Gummi Bear. You ever see a black Gummi Bear? No, because Gummi Bears are as racist as hell. They come in every color but black. They got orange, yellow, green, invisible -- come on. They must have got somebody on the candy committee like, 'We gave you n*ggers a jelly bean nobody eats. We're not going to take a chance on a Gummi Bear.'

George Lopez on "Racist Restaurant Names"

You know how Mexican restaurants always have “border” in the name: Border Grill, Border Cafe. You wouldn’t do that to black people: Kunta’s Kitchen or Shackles. They don’t do it to white people. You don’t see the Honkey Grill, the Cracker Barrel…. oh, nevermind.

Jim Gaffigan on "Bottled Water"

How did we get to the point where we're paying for bottled water? That must have been some weird marketing meeting over in France. Some French guy's sitting there, like, 'How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water.'

Jim Gaffigan on "Drinking"

When you don't drink, people always need to know why. They're like, 'You don't drink? Why?' This never happens with anything else. 'You don't use mayonnaise? Why? Are you addicted to mayonnaise? Is it OK if I use mayonnaise?'

Kyle Grooms on "Tap Water"

I know tap water. I grew up drinking it, I did. My mother wouldn't buy anything else. But she tried to make tap water sound delicious. She called it 'city punch.'

Sebastian Maniscalco on "Lemon Loaf"

How do you feel like a man and order a lemon loaf? I would never get that; even if I wanted one, I'd point to it: 'Get one of these.'

Tony T. Roberts on "Yellow Teeth"

I seen a white lady with yellow teeth today. She looked like a deviled egg.

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