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the best Art and Entertainment jokes & one liners

We have compiled a categorized list of the best Art and Entertainment jokes and one liners from your favorite comedians and around the web. Our hilarious Art and Entertainment joke list is comprised of a wide range of topics including:

  • Actor Jokes & One Liners
  • Artist Jokes & One Liners
  • Celebrity Jokes & One Liners
  • Movie and Television Jokes & One Liners
  • Musician Jokes & One Liners

hilarious Art & Entertainment jokes

Brian Regan on "Albert Einstein"

They always say that Albert Einstein was a genius. Then how come when anyone ever calls you that, it's an insult? 'You don't know where you parked the car? Good job, Einstein.' I don't think we're honoring that man properly by using his name in vain in parking lots.

Celebrity Computer Viruses
  • Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.
  • Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but  forgets where it is stored.
  • Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.
  • Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB,  and then slowly expands to 300MB.
  • Lorena Bobbit virus: Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.
  • Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus: Searches your hard drive for old files  and deletes them.
  • Ellen Degeneres virus: Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC.
  • Titanic virus: Makes your  whole computer go down.
  • Disney virus: Everything in the computer goes Goofy.
  • Prozac virus: Screws up your RAM  but your processor doesn't care.
  • Sharon Stone  virus: Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's  there.
  • Tim Allen virus: Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact.
  • HBO  virus: Runs the same programs over and over, week after week after week.
  • Woody Allen virus: Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.
  • NFL Blackout virus: Will  only let you run progams on a remote terminal that's more than 75  miles away.
  • Linda Tripp virus: Makes copies of your  personal files and forwards them to the authorities.
  • Bill Clinton virus: Won't let you query the system for information.
  • Rush Limbaugh virus: Biases everything  to the right.
  • Ken Starr virus: Expands a focused  search of a specific file into a global interregation of every  existing file. Creates links between unrelated data.  Works extremely slow while searching and compiling results.
  • Al Gore virus: Runs quietly in background mode  but doesn't appear to really do much of anything.
  • Saddam Hussein virus: Won't let you into any of your programs.
  • Tonya  Harding virus: Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons.
  • George Michael virus: Runs its course,  occasionally releasing excess data buildup.
  • Joey Buttafuoco  virus: Only attacks minor files.
  • Jerry Seinfeld  virus: Program about nothing that exits  when you're really enjoying it.
  • David Caruso NYPD Blue virus:   After running successfully for a while, it exits the program it was in and never works again.
  • Pee Wee Herman virus: Exposes your confidential files to everyone.
  • X-files virus: All your Icons start  shape shifting.
  • Spice Girl virus: Has no real  function, but makes a pretty desktop.
  • AT&T virus: Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
Daniel Tosh on "Millionaire Game Show"

I'd like a game show with millionaires on it, and they have to play with their own money, and they can't win money, they can only lose 'til one them goes complete broke, and the show's called 'Ha Ha, Now You're Poor.'

Deon Cole on "Michael Jackson"

Michael Jackson died, that was sad. I was watching his funeral on TV... and my son came in, he was like, 'Daddy, who's that?' and I said, 'Michael Jackson.' Then they showed another picture of Mike, and my son was like, 'Daddy, who's that?' and I said, 'Michael Jackson.' Then they showed another picture of Mike, and my son was like, 'Daddy, who's that?' and I said, 'Michael Jackson,' and he was like, 'You're kiiidding meee.' I was like, 'It is Mike, I don't know how he do that, go to bed.'

Donnell Rawlings on "Tiger Woods"

Tiger Woods is a billionaire. Do you know how much ass you can get with a billion dollars? I know guys with $20 and a pack of Newports who'd try to screw your whole neighborhood.

Gary Owen on "R. Kelly"

Man, it's hot. I'm sweating like R. Kelly at a Girl Scout meeting.

Jim Gaffigan on "Lifetime Television"

My favorite channel is the Lifetime Channel because Lifetime is television for women -- Lifetime: Television for Women. Yet, for some reason, there's always a woman getting beaten on that channel.

Mark Curry on "The Titanic"

Titanic' -- good movie, no brothas. You know there was brothas on the Titanic. Who in the hell do you think brought that luggage on board?

Paul Mooney on "Star Trek"

Why we all gotta be blind? Why do they have to mess up the black man in the future? We all gotta look like Ray Charles. Why is that? And the other brother looks like his mother slept with a turtle.

Paul Mooney on "Wesley Snipes"

He's black. If you were on a bus, you'd miss your stop looking at him. Come on, that brother's dark. If he was on your motorbike, the police would stop you and give you a ticket for tinted windows. That brother's black -- Wesley's black! He would leave handprints on coal.

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