“Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids? Wouldn’t it make more sense if it was the other way around? But if that was true, then a proctologist would be an astronaut.”

“So my wife said she read this article in a magazine and she said: “You know, maybe you’re suffering from premature ejaculation.” Yeah, does it look like I’m suffering? Those aren’t tears on your belly.”

“How do blind people know when they’re done wiping their ass?”

Robert Schimmel

Robert Schimmel

New York, NY

January 16th, 1950 - September 3rd, 2010